Have you felt my inauthenticity? My distracted mind, my seemingly disinterested heart? Is that where you've gone? Or is the tide just out and will come back soon? Maybe it's a mush of all of those things. Whatever it is, you're right. There's a lot of necessary evils to make doing what I love sustainable, and lately I've been [had to] focused on those elements, which I think has dulled my motivation (and subsequently everything else has suffered, too). And I think that's easy to see.
So if you have felt my inauthenticity, let me try to rectify that. I don't blame you.
And I'm not sorry to you, not really. But I'm sorry to myself. Mostly for letting this social media thing get under my skin. For thinking in numbers rather than truths. Because that's how 90% of the people in this industry tell me I'm going to make it. But I believed in myself before I started thinking about that. I was seeing progress in myself and my career before I started caring about it. And I was happy before I forgot the reason I'm doing this.
I do music for me. I share it because I'm proud of it. Because maybe you'll connect with it and feel something, too.
For me, music isn't an escape, it's a way to focus in on one emotion or mindset with clarity. It cuts out the noise and lets you see with tunnel vision to whatever you want to see. So when life is getting chaotic and you throw on your favourite dance tune, you're focusing on the happiness, hope and joy you've still got in your soul. The artist didn't create that feeing in you - they've created a way for you to pull it out and remember it. And when you hear that song that makes you cry even before the first word is sung, you're focusing on a wound you haven't healed yet. You're letting it breathe.
We bare our souls so you don't have to.
Or at least, that's how I see it.
And I've got a lot of new feelings and sounds that I want to share with you, some are vastly different to what I'm showing you as new (that are actually over a year old, some written 2-3 years ago). But I also want to do it right. I need to do these songs justice. Which means it takes time, and patience, and a lot of necessary evils. And I think I'll be doing a lot of ebbing and flowing as I get a hang of holding fast to my values while still conceding to the game.
I'll appreciate every day that you stick around on this ride with me. Because only one thing is certain in my life - I will never stop.